I am an asshole :)

Caught your attention yet? Great.

Never once have I thought of using something really offensive as my title, but I've done it now. It's time to get down to business.

Having some private time of my own in a shared computer room is great, especially when no one comes to disturb you every now and then. Ah, but I digress. Let's return to topic.

I am here and now, attacking myself in the many ways that I possibly can, because there are reasons to do so.

I have:

- disappointed myself
- disappointed people around me
- kept things the way they have been, when there was need for change

Because of the many things I have really done, it just seems like I should really do a nice punch to my abdomen to wake up.

Sure I have in some ways, but there are just so many other areas that I'm sinking deeper into.

Is seeking assistance a sign of weakness? Or is it a sign of strength?

The many secrets one person hides -- is it really a secret that can be held forever? Or must one reveal it in a way or another as time ticks?

That's just the first part of things for this...
------------------------------------------------------------------------

And part II begins.

Is being unable to completely speak out, a sign of yet another weakness? Or is it just "shyness" on my part?

I would have loved to voice my opinion over various events and things, yet there are so many ways that I find myself hesitating to do so.

Whether it's because I'll hurt someone, I fear that I will hurt someone, or just plainly that it's stupid to voice it out, I have held back the many comments that I could have made.

It seems like this has just led me further into disaster at times, and it may just bring things up a notch for me now.

Why is it that difficult to actually confide in someone very close to you, even when you know that the person can be fully trusted?

Why is it that the person you confide to first, is normally no one that lives among you?

It's better to speak out at times yes? But why is it hard to do so at times?

The many questions that surface just bring me up to yet more problems, that are in need of answering, by someone, somewhere, somehow.