Reflections Under the Moonlight [VIII]

Ah, what's everyone doing I wonder? Hopefully, your "studying schedule" is still in place and going smoothly, cause mine definitely isn't.

Back with another reflections series, but as a continuation of the previous one.

Let's see...

To recap, the previous post was the irony between friends which are distant versus those which come into contact with me 200+ days a year.

I recall saying something like this to my buddy: [something along this lines, but I compiled everything I was saying to him]

It's like, I'm closer to those friends that I rarely come into contact with

Yet I'm more distant from those that I see so regularly.

In fact, I think the relationship between those close friends of mine may be so close we could be seen as classmates instead.

As for my real classmates, huh. Other than a few close ones I have, the rest are just like acquaintances studying in the same classroom.

That's the plain, cold truth. I have nothing further to comment about it. Sorry if you feel offended, but I think this will let you know how I feel further.

So now, on to today.

The thing about friends. What do we see them as? How are we perceiving them to be in future? Are they just like a passing wind? Or are they like a stone set into a house?

In fact, how do we define "friends"? I can never get this, and I don't think I ever will. I have a vague definition in my mind, but that's it.

For those who know me in real life, I for one, look nerd/geeky. Uh okay, differing opinions but that's how I'm seeing myself! ><

Another thing being that I don't like coming into contact with people, talking to them etc.

That isn't true actually. I love socializing with people, as long as I have the opportunity to. In fact, I think I don't mind at all, cause this may be the one way to drag me out of computer addiction.

Yet, I think it's because of the way I act in situations that make people avoid or even possibly hate me. And then it slowly drags down the line to avoiding to have anything to do with me.

It always is a comfort to have someone to talk to, and always will be. Sadly though, it gets hard at times to find a listening ear when you need it, especially in a situation like mine. And when I do find a listening ear, and if the opposite gender, people like to stir idiotic rumors about us being together. Like, GROW UP. Of course I don't mind the comments [other than the rolling of my eyes], but please don't think too deeply into things.

Maybe, that's what friends are for. To provide a listening ear when you have troubling matters. Maybe, that's what I need to find in a friend.

Yet maybe, I have always been mistaken about my classmates and people around me, so I don't confide in them. Maybe, it was just my ego pulling me back.

No one knows...

Just yesterday, when I was watching Red Thread [Channel 5 drama], one of the characters said this:
"Children find it hardest to confide in their parents, because they don't want to disappoint them."

This line hit me hard in the face, and it touched me much in the heart. It is totally true, and I think many will agree with me as well.

I'm friendly to anyone, as long as they are friendly to me. I don't take hostility much, but criticism is well accepted. Just don't mind me when I attack back :o. That happens at times.

Oh along with that, for those who I have offended in the past, do forgive me cause many words said come out without going through thinking.

When we say "THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK", it's actually hard. Especially if you're one who is more straightforward.

It's when we think, that we understand whether it's a rationale decision to say such stuffs.

Where friends are concerned, in just a few days, I'm returning to school. Will there be any changes? I doubt so, cause not many of my classmates read my blog. At the same time, hardly any have spoken to me through MSN before. BUT! For those who have spoken to me, I greatly appreciate it. If I ever ignored you [like JL for so many times! ><] please forgive me! Wasn't meant to do it on purpose, but... most MMORPGs run on full screen =x. At least I'm cutting down on gaming as the time for examinations approaches.

No matter what happens, having friends standing by you at your weakest point is heart-warming.

I am apprehensive in approaching people to strike up a chat, cause I'm not that sort of guy. Maybe that will change in future though.

Things are uncertain, but I have a feeling things will not change even till the end of the year. Prove me wrong, please.

I like getting invited out, regardless of whether it's to movies, BBQs, or even lunch [even though I still haven't solved the problem], cause at the least I know that you consider me a friend.

If I reject your kind gesture, don't take offence. It is not meant to be offensive, just that I cannot go for some reason or another. Being active in social life is what one needs to "get a life", no?

When I hear my classmates actually talking about whatever "BBQs, dinner, steamboat", it makes me envious, but at the same time makes me ponder: why was I not invited?

Obviously the next thing comes which is "CLIQUES". Cliques click well together [pun intended], and that's why they get along more often than others. Sadly though, I can tell I'm not of any clique. Too bad for me.

Even if I do go out for certain class activities, people seem to... avoid me. Am I THAT scary? Or is there a hidden reason? These sensitive issues will be difficult to resolve...

This cycle will be difficult to put an end to, but as time progresses on, I'll continue trying to. Is it too late to bond up with some of my classmates now? We'll see.

-signs off- [Edit: Cool! 444 views :o]